My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would ride that face into the sunset
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
