I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
