The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i out mim tonsoeep
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
