awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
