Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
