i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
