Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How's work?
Spinning.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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