I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
