she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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