I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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