im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dick very happy bro
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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