I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
