Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
