the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
