All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
