And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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