Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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