is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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