Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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