when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
