hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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