remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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