But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a search helicopter?!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
