so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
