My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
