i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
