ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
