I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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