i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
