I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
