shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
