Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize