so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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