just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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