I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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