he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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