Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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