I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
