I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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