I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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