My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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