I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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