Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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