Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
