Welp...herpes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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