guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I did not marry a roomba.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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