there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
