He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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