I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
