did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
