then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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