My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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