He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
