Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
