He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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