Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
