We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
