Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
