im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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