i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
