No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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