I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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