Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
