I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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