Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Still dying that you shit outside
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
