the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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